Morning Glory
by Q u e e n V a m p
Summary: —In short, Caroline and Jeremy get roped into eating breakfast with the Mikaelson family. All other events that follow are entirely Elijah's fault. crack!fic


**Title| **Morning Glory

**Genre| **humor/family

**Rating|** t

**Fandom| **the Vampire Diaries

**Couple| **jeremy/kol, caroline/klaus, implied-elijah/elena, implied-rebekah/whoever your heart desires

**Warning| **contains excessive amount of crack and caffine withdraw authoress feels. some elijah bashing everyone. some Original-mama. some pervy!Kol. some uncaring!Jeremy. possessive!Klaus. freakedout!Caroline. and an ending that makes little to no sense.

* * *

_"Chickie China the Chinese chicken, you have a drum stick_

_and your brain starts tickin'."_

_—_"One Week" by Bare Naked Ladies

* * *

Caroline casts one final glance over her shoulder towards the door adjoining the bedroom and sighs in relief. He's still on the phone, has yet to notice, or act upon, the fact that she's awake and if she's quick enough she might be home free, and able to spar herself the guilt riddled walk of shame that came as a reminder with his good-bye kisses at the door. If Rebekah and the others aren't still lounging around the place, that is.

Especially Klaus's mother. How awkward would that be? First Carol now Ester? She didn't think so. Though she has yet to meet the woman herself.

_What am I doing? _Caroline wonders and sits up from the tall, four-poster bed with silk devout half-thrown across her. She palms the material in her hands trying to remember how nice they felt against her skin last night.

But she can't.

Everything in this room resembles so much of the man she's been spending her nights with. It's inventive, and dark, and uniquely beautiful just like him and the beautiful world he sees. She had seen the original sketches of the house, from intimate dinner napkin to professional drawing paper purchased for such projects. Everything was imperial yet eloquent with old fashion bravura. It was a castle, well-oiled floors, wide halls wreathed with art both collected and made, every room fitted with handmade finishing touches from specialized woodcrafters to match each family member's personal styles, that could also be renovated anyway the room's owner saw fit.

It wasn't out of place in a town such as this, and Caroline had been to the Lockwood estate, and the Salvatore boarding house, but this place was _remarkable _in ways none of them could ever compare to_. _She tries not to linger on the fine beautiful details. Klaus had made some finishing touches into the fireplace mantel for her, making carved horses intertwining with fire of the wood pressed together by stone.

It took him three days and he did it himself.

_I should hurry before he gets off the phone. _Hurry, get dressed, go home, pretend that she was there all night—and no was not with _any _boy—and order herself some take-out that seemed acceptable for an informal brunch with her backed-up DVR.

She dresses quickly: loose tank, jeans, heels in hand. Did she have a purse?

She left at the bar again didn't she? Damnit. Her phone was in there.

As she's leaving, Caroline has a gut wrenching realization that she doesn't want to leave. She feels much better suited to just undress, curl back into bed and possibly one of Klaus's Henley neck shirts and flip through his sketch books for more horses.

The door was doesn't creak when she opens it, but in her own triumph, Caroline doesn't hear the footsteps tumbling down the hall at a much quicker, more hurried pace; shutting the door behind her she came nose to nose with Jeremy Gilbert, her best friend's little brother.

"Wha—!?"

"You—!?"

Both shush each other quickly and Caroline—having been here before—gestures for Jeremy to follow her down the grand staircase of the landing to the main sitting room which had been since littered with Rebekah's subscribed magazines and more of Klaus's artwork waiting to be hung up.

Deeming it, somewhat, safe and closer to the door, Caroline whirls on Jeremy and smacks him in the arm. The teen howls silently as he could.

"What do you think you're doing here? And with Rebekah?!" she hisses.

"What am I doing here!?" His dark eyes pinch and for a moment Caroline wonders if Elena and Jeremy are really related. While Elena would be flipping her lid right now, Jeremy is trying to turn the tables, cleverly like any boy would. "What are _you_ doing here?"

Oh, shit. What now?

_Okay, stay calm._

"Looking—for you! Elena sent me."

Good enough.

Jeremy does not look convinced and huffs with a quirking brow. "Oh, so you were looking in Klaus's pants? How very insightful of you." He says dryly.

Not good, not good! Mayday!

Caroline feels the blood begin to rise up her neck. "Wha—?"

"One, I told Elena I was staying at Matt's tonight and Matt always covers for me. Two, Kol gave me a tour," he mumbles this like it had been a great reluctance. "You just walked out of Klaus's room. So, . . . are you and him—?" _sleeping together? Shacking up? Doing the deed?_ She pauses to long and Jeremy looks smug. "So you _where_?"

In her own bafflement, Caroline is at a loss for words, but thousands are flying through her mind.

"_You_—" she growls stabbing her finger in his direction and fights the urge to stamp her foot in frustration. Her mind jumbles until she can make a coherent sentence. Her minds a jumble of traffic lights all blinking red. "Have _no _right to act so high and mighty right now. While you're here shacking up with Rebekah—!"

"Who am I shacking up with?"

Speak of the Devil and she shall appear.

Rebekah stalks through foyer, full-well knowing this is her place and casually throws her mini black dress over an expensive chair like it was nothing but a rag. She had adopted a similar look Caroline had been thinking about, men's shirts and jeans. The owner of the shirt, however, will remain a mystery. Plain, white, boxy—there were millions of guys who wore shirts similar to that one, and Rebekah was wearing it like a trophy. It must have been the ultimate conquest of the century.

The other blonde surveys them—a baby vampire and a human—and smirks like there was an inside joke she wasn't letting them in on. She quickly tames her curling lips into a snarl and turns up her nose for good measure.

"Ugh, you two again? I guess the schedules are a bit muddled together."

The two look at each other. _Schedules?_

"Really those two can't keep their mits off you . . . I guess that means I win then." Rebekah says coolly and there's a smile in her voice before she's stomping her way up the stairs. Her six inch Mules clanking sharply with every step—which, no doubt, are scratching the expensive wood. Klaus would have her head. "NIK! KOL! They're down here!"

"Well . . ." a voice with a waning British accent sends chills up Caroline's back and she whirls around with a shriek on her lips to find Kol standing behind them like he'd been there the entire time, leaning against the banister in a dark blue dress shirt that contrasts starkly with his skin and raging sex hair. His eyes are dark, kindled mischievously and on Caroline. "Looks like I'm not the only one who got some last night."

What. The. Fuck?

_Okay. _Caroline drew a line and intends to follow it. Jeremy was here—and he showered—but he looks walk-of-shame guilty and he's all _happy _like a guy who just got laid, and he _obviously _didn't do it with Rebekah—or Ester, ugh—and Kol's smiling so that only leaves . . .

_Ohmigod._

"Ohmigod." Caroline's eyes turn into wide blue saucers as she looks between Kol to Jeremy, Jeremy to Kol and _ohmigodtheydiditandJeremy'sgay! Ohmigodhe'sgayandmygaydarisfucked! Elena's going to blow a gasket. _

"Love, you're hyperventilating." Someone murmurs into the shell of her ear, but Caroline ignores it—still baffled by her new discovery.

Her eyes go to Jeremy again, looking for some sort of explanation like it was written on his face, but the boy simply shrugs like it's no big deal and Caroline's eyes narrow.

_Typical guy._

"Well now that we're all wide awake—"

_Not typical guy. _Caroline jumps a little when two warm, rough, and _vaguely familiar _hands land on her otherwise bare shoulders. She's not really surprised he's there either. Klaus's thumbs grind into her shoulder blades, working into the tense muscle there. He really didn't like being ignored.

"—let's all adjoin to the dining room for breakfast."

The two youngest Originals growl distastefully and even Kol goes as far as to pull Jeremy against him. Jeremy swats at him, but it's useless and Kol catches his flailing wrist and presses it to his lips, eyes growing darker until the prominent veins of hunger began to show. "I think I'll take my breakfast in bed, brother."

Jeremy goes lax in Kol's grip and—for a wild moment, Caroline thinks about compulsion. What if Jeremy was being compelled? What if he's being tricked out of his daily vervain dosage and Kol's playing some sick mind game with him?—he then rams the point of his elbow into Kol's solar plexus and the Original bends a little, giving Jeremy the opportunity to break free from his hold.

"Don't think so, jackass."

_No he's fine. _Caroline sighs and she thinks she hears Klaus chuckle from behind her.

"Aw, darling, you finally chose a nickname for me." Kol huffs while rubbing away the nonexistent pain in his abdomen absentmindedly, he smirks.

"Jackass," Jeremy snorts, and refuses the bait Kol waves in front of him.

"Alright," the hands fall away from her shoulders and two sharp claps echo quickly after each other. "Chop, chop children breakfast is waiting."

Involuntarily, Caroline's stomach growls at the promise of food and all eyes fall to her again and she blushes. _Stupid pale complexion, _she curses under her breath and the presence behind her becomes more prominent as if Klaus were towering over her, she's too scared to look.

"I'm tired, Nik." Rebekah mutters and turns to head back up the stairs, and end the conversation when lo and behold, Mama Original is standing at the top of the stairs, dressed in a smart ebony suit and heels, her blonde bob perfectly styled and framing her heart-shaped, surprisingly youthful face.

"What is all this ruckus?" she asks and she sounds like a real-mom too. Caroline could almost imagine her chasing around toddler-Originals and putting them in the naughty corner and doing other mom type things that mom's did a thousand years ago. Ester descends the stairs halfway with soft and subtle steps and only then does Caroline notice her son—Finn—is shadowing her like a dark cloud. She doesn't know much about him, other than he's the most docile of the bunch.

Ester stops a step above Rebekah and smiles softly at her daughter, reaching out with a newly manicured hand to lay it against the soft swell of Rebekah's cheek and her eyes sparkle knowingly. "You spoke with the boy?"

Rebekah pauses, looking—Caroline gasps—flustered and mumbles out a near incoherent, "Yeah," and Ester smiles brightly.

"Don't worry of it, he'll come around eventually."

Wait, is Ester giving Rebekah boy-advice?

Her own mother never did. Ester continues her way down the stairs, chastising Kol for slander and then looks at Jeremy, with a puzzling but nonetheless accepting smile. "Jeremy, so good to see you again, dear. Are you keeping my son in line?"

Jeremy looks uncomfortable for a moment before replying with a casual "to the best of my ability" which makes Ester laugh—laugh!—and Jeremy cracks a smile too.

_Obviously_, Jeremy's been here before.

Ester then turns to Caroline and smiles like someone off _The Godfather. _"You," she points at her and clasps her hands like an in prayer under her chin. "Must be Caroline."

She said her name like she was an old friend, a long-lost family member, a celebrity, someone she had been dying to meet.

Caroline stands mesmerized as Ester crosses the space between them quickly and looks at Caroline like she's trying to make a photocopy of her in her mind. "Niklaus has told me much of you."

"Really?" she says and her eyes skim the Original family around her, all waiting for what she'd say next to the matriarch of their family. Caroline quick glances down at her bare, pedicured feet remembering that she still wasn't wearing shoes. She forces as big of a smile as she can. "He told me about you too."

"Oh really?" Ester ventures. "What?"

Klaus tugs on Caroline's arm a little until it's around her shoulders. "That I have a mother named Ester. Breakfast—anyone?"

"Why do you want us to eat so badly?" Kol demands, his fingers wrapping and unwrapping around the banister he was leaning on, all the while his eyes rack over Jeremy's form.

"Elijah cooked."

The family is silent for a moment.

"Dear God what's wrong with him?" Rebekah asks and Ester throws a glare over her shoulder at her daughter.

"Rebekah, darling, if your brother wants to cook it's perfectly acceptable."

"Let's all just be thankful hunting is not involved this time." Klaus says.

Like that won the argument, the whole family shuffles into the dining area where the human servants are setting out large dishes of breakfast foods ranging from bacon and eggs and ham and pancakes and waffles and so many other dishes Caroline couldn't begin to name.

* * *

"When we were human—and if Elijah ever got angry he'd go into the woods and hunt. When he returned he wouldn't speak to any of us, but cut up the animals and cook them. He was always very savage about it, no mercy." Klaus explains.

"Very savage, but it was always so poetic how he would rip the poor things limp from limp, cutting them up and then tenderizing them into fine chewable pieces—and that was only the vegetables. He made Rebekah cry once when he gutted a bunny." Kol adds helpfully and Rebekah kicks him under the table.

"He was the first one of any of us to kill a werewolf—in full form." Rebekah adds.

"Well, at least he didn't make us eat Willhelm," Klaus mutters and his eyes are distant. "That would have just been cruel."

"You hated Willhelm." Rebekah snaps.

"Yes, and it was very sad to see him go." Klaus smiles while his sister glares poison dipper daggers at him from her end of the table. Caroline is sort of curious to know the story behind that.

"So why are we sitting here at the mercy of your brother's cooking?" Jeremy braves to ask.

"Because he's good at it." Kol smiles then leans closer to Jeremy. "Just don't look him in the eye, or he'll skin you for dessert."

"Kol," Ester says warningly.

"Are you sure it's not poisoned?" Finn sniffs speaking for the first time.

"_Finn,_" Ester glares at her son on her right.

"Remain calm," Klaus prompts.

"All of you—hush." Ester commands just as Elijah ambles into the room. He looks as perfect and prim as always with a tailored suit that's pressed and specially made to fit his tall, self-assurance form. The only thing that was amiss was his hair, like he'd been running his fingers through it all night. "Good morning, Elijah."

"Good morning mother, Klaus, Rebekah, Finn, Kol. Caroline and Jeremy," His gaze wanders between the two of them and he feigns a smile. "So nice of you to join us."

Caroline sips at her orange juice from her wine flute, trying not to look Elijah in eye.

Elijah sits down at the head of the table, adjacent from Ester with Rebekah and Kol on either side of him. He fixed his suit and flashed another fake smile. "Shall we begin?"

Caroline and Jeremy share a look and wait for Kol and Rebekah to start dishing out food onto their plates politely to appease their elder brother. Finn and Klaus share a look and do the same, passing their mother things she couldn't reach and being cordial as possible while both trying to serve her choice slices of ham.

This has to be the nicest they've all been to each other since they've awoken.

"So, Caroline and Jeremy," Elijah says. "Do your friends know you're here?"

Spoke too soon.

"Uh, no?" Jeremy answers.

"Elijah, this is lovely. What are these?"

"Waffles, mother." Kol supplies, eyes shifting from one end of the table to the other. "Have a problem do we, Elijah?"

"No, of course not." Elijah's quiet for a long moment.

"Really? You seem distraught, brother dear. C'mon—care to share?"

Jeremy glares at Kol, seeing to use in saying anything throws down his napkin.

"Really brother, it's nothing." Elijah assures dismissively, but he seemed to have forgotten who he was speaking to.

"No, no don't be modest; surely you have something to say. Why not say it?"

"Because it is curious to me that two people whom have been sided with those trying to run us out of town, and or kill us, are sitting at this very table yet no one lifts a brow to it. It puzzles me."

"Jeremy never did anything." Kol says quickly, tension lacing at his shoulders.

Jeremy looks away.

"I seem to recall a crossbow . . ."

"And I seem to recall a Gilbert girl playing you into the palm of her hand." Kol smiles like a cat who ate the canary while Elijah stiffens. "You like her don't you brother? You know, I hear that she _is _single. But she's waiting for Stefan. Wait, you'll have to get in line behind Damon . . . and the rest of the world."

"Says the one who keeps a _Gilbert boy_ in his bed every night. Walls are thin and Elena tells me much."

"Oh, what'd you do? Smile at her?"

Elijah sets down his silverware, eyes locking over Kol's shoulder towards Jeremy. "How's Bonnie?"

Caroline watches and it's like it's happening in slow motion. Kol's plate is in his hand and then it's slowly moving through the air—at warp vampire speed—and it arches before landing flat onto Elijah's face. By now she knows she gaping and she can't help it, when the plate slides down revealing Elijah's unamused, whipped cream covered face.

"Brother that was not wise." Elijah says, pulling his handkerchief from his pocket to wipe away at his eyes.

"Oh, yeah? How?"

_Splat._

The chocolate cake made for the brunch sails across the room, landing in Kol's face. Elijah is now positioned beside their mother to Klaus's right, fixing his suit. "Mother, I'd like to apologize for my behavior in advance."

"Just clean up when you're done." Ester mumbles and floats out of the room.

Kol stumbles against the table in the same instant, knocking over a boat of chocolate sauce on Rebekah's side that spills and pours over her trophy shirt. She gasps and grabs and hand full of rolls from the bowl between them, launching five at Kol. He dodges and she keeps throwing. "You bastard!"

Kol ducks and weaves—one of the bread rolls smacks Jeremy square in the forehead and Kol pauses. "Okay! Now you're going to pay!"

Kol heaves a plate of éclairs and throws blindingly before turning back to pick up the fallen Jeremy.

(_"Are you alive?"_

_"Why are there two of you?"_)

Klaus casual reaches out, fingers brushing Caroline's arm and yanks her out of her chair and across his lap just as the plate crashes into where she was sitting seconds before and breaks into a thousand glass and chocolate covered pieces. She yelps and Rebekah launches herself up, screaming threats.

"Saved you from harm." Klaus smirks.

"You're gonna die!" Jeremy shouts and disoriented throws a handful of sunny-side up eggs that land—wait for it—on top of Klaus's head.

Caroline stares.

And stares.

Then bursts into laughter side tingling, gut wrenching laughter while an all-out food war breaks out around her.

Kol jumps at the chance to hit both Elijah and Finn with a breakfast omelet while Rebekah hurdles over the table and onto his back, taking him to the ground with ease and shoving his mouth full of sausages. Jeremy—recovering from his head injury—casually pours the delicate glass jug of milk over her head and Rebekah screams like its vervain water. Kol claws dramatically at the floor to get away while tripping Elijah by grabbing his ankle, so Finn could jump on top of him and smash a bowl of potatoes into his shirt collar. Rebekah and Jeremy are having a parody of a Mexican stand-off with the jog of orange juice and an untouched jug of water. Neither are backing down.

And Caroline's still laughing.

"Oh, funny, huh?" Klaus drawls and Caroline's eyes widen.

Klaus and her tumble onto the floor, laughing, and his arms come across her and she shrieks as he forces a blueberry muffin into her mouth. She laughing and she choking and it's hilarious and bazaar. She ruffles Klaus's yolk covered hair with her hands. He demands for her to stop and they're leaning up against the chairs they knocked over in the process.

"You're acting like children!" Finn shouts and Elijah pours the contents of the gravy boat down his back spitefully.

"You have no right to speak!"

Caroline enjoys watching the little dance he does for them.

* * *

Later they're all in their respective bathrooms and Klaus is laying out his clothes like well-worn battle armor; smeared with chocolate and various fruits and vegetables and pastries. His face is covered in sticky strawberry sauce that mirrored the stain branching across the margin of her mouth from when she kissed his cheek. He'd lifted her off the ground and into the cannon fodder of juice from Rebekah that drench her from head to toe.

"You'll have to get the carpet cleaned." She giggles, digging the hash browns out of her bra. "I'm gonna smell like a breakfast buffet for days." She mourned pressing back her syrup and honey covered hair.

_Wait, what's that? _She pulled a gummy bear out of her hair. _We didn't even—ohmigod never mind. _

"I get the shower first—called it." She shouts over her shoulder into the bedroom and Klaus's appears in the doorway with his egg yolk yellow hair and strawberry mouth. "What's that look for?" She smiles at him through the mirror.

"You're beautiful."

"Well, that's weird considering." She blushes and gnaws at the inside of her cheek, trying to calm herself.

"No," Klaus steps into the bathroom and touches her shoulder; she leans back against the sink, assessing him with her eyes. Klaus's fingers tangle in her hair, pushing it back of her shoulders and away from her face. A smile tugging at his lips.

Back where she was mere hours ago, Caroline could think of nowhere else she would rather be right now other than in Klaus's bedroom. She's comfortable here, happy with him. She never wants to leave.

"You're beautiful." Klaus repeats low and seductively, making Caroline smile.

He leans down and she reflectively tilts her head up to receive his kiss when he tongue rolls out, swiping at her lips. He hums.

"You're such an idiot." She groans, pressing her palms carefully to the sticky sides of his face and pulling him down for a kiss.

* * *

**And this is a piece of crack I've been working on since the beginning of the season. No real timeline here. It's anywhere. Season 3 or Season 4. Only thing that's different is that Ester didn't try to kill her children (yet). And Elijah's a bit of a moody cooker. I wish I knew one. They'd make me things every time I pissed them off. Yay~ it's three in the morning, g'night.**

**P.S.—this is a prequel to my other jeremy/kol story** Ink Through Water **which is anything but cute and adorable fluff.**

**—QueenVamp**


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